Under Construction

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. " 

-2 Corinthians 4:16-18

When I look back at the past few years of my life, I notice that my life has been under construction and still is a work in progress. Ever since I said YES to the Lord and have surrendered my life to Him, the Lord has been shaping me to resemble Him more and more. 

To tell you the truth, I was a bit worried at first. How will God know how I want my life to look like? How will He know what I love the most? How can I give Him complete trust over  my most valuable asset, my life, the life I can live only once?

It hurt. Change is not easy. At many times I cried out to Him to go easy on me or even to stop. I felt confused and couldn't see a glimpse of what is ahead. I surrendered and tried to remain joyful all through-  holding on to His promises. I was confident and still am, that He who began a good work in me, will carry it on to completion (Philipians 1:6). I am not alone (Deuteronomy 31:6). I am in the hands of the Almighty who created my inmost being, who knit me in my mother's womb (Psalm 139:13), who has engraved my name on the palm of His hands (Isaiah 49:16). 

And to my surprise, when His work in my life started to blossom, I was overjoyed!!

And boy was I surprised. A feeling of belittlement swept me off my feet. How did I allow myself to doubt God's work, to doubt His purpose and worry. I was nagging and giving Him advice on how I would like my life to be, drawing Him maps and writing Him lists to help Him give me my way. 

Little did I know to what extent God is alive and at work. What I thought was best for me, what I thought would bring me pleasure, could not compare to what He gave me and is still giving me! I was like a child nagging for a cottage and feeling impatient to have it, and little did I know that He was taking His time in building me a mansion.  

God is building my house, my life, in the most delicate, detailed and perfect way I could ever imagine. His work is still in progress, and I don't expect the construction to be done anytime soon. I don't mind that as long as that I know that my life is in the hands of the perfect designer who loves me more than I love myself and who knows me more than I know myself and who wants what's best for me on the long run.  

I trust you Jesus, I am Yours, let Your will be done!

Real Joy

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" 

-Philipians 4:4

We keep hearing this verse over and over again, and I keep wondering what is joy. I have this feeling that I always perceived joy in its "worldly and materialistic" sense. Another issue I've been ruminating this summer is the true meaning of the concept of joy and rejoicing.

A particular C.S. Lewis quote shook my conceptions on this subject matter. "My own idea, for what it is worth, is that all sadness which is NOT either arising from the repentance of a concrete sin and hastening towards concrete amendment or restitution, or else arising from pity and hastening to active assistance, is simply bad; and I think we all sin by needlessly DISOBEYING the apostolic injunction to 'rejoice' as much as by anything else."

And this brings me exactly to my point. Joy is not an emotion, not a feeling, and not even a reaction to daily circumstances that I face. Joy transcends any emotional state I am in. 

Joy is a response to the Truth I believe in. Joy is the fruit of my relationship with God. The result of my surrender to God who loves me unconditionally, who is here for me, who is in CONTROL. He saved me and redeemed me. He called me as His own.

God is God no matter what I am going through, no matter what my feelings. The truth is unchanging. The reason for my joy is unchanging so I don't see any valid reason for my joy to change, for my joy to fluctuate that much and for it to be that dependent on my mood.  

Does all of this undermine the effect of pain and sadness in life? I do not think so. God never promised us "la vie en rose". But that is what I am trying to say: that through the lowest points in my life, in the valley of the shadows of death, I should hold fast to the Truth. I should keep reminding myself that God is unchanging and that the war is already victorious! I have nothing to fear. And thus rejoice!

It's not an easy exercise but as Henry Drummond put it: "Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it everyday." It is a conscious decision to trust that He is in control and to surrender to His will even if I don't understand why.

I think I cannot wrap my head around it better than Kay Warren did when she said: 

"Joy is a settled assurance that God is in control of all of the details of my life, 

the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be okay and 

the determined choice to praise God in all things."

Amen amen amen!

Unconditional Love

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39 

I have been struggling with this verse all summer long and apparently all my life. Part of all the change that the Lord has been doing in me during this past year is helping me accept His UNCONDITIONAL love- a concept I have not yet grasped (I am sure that grasping it is going to be a life changing experience). 
I usually am a big fan of analogies, and God never ceases to surprise me by communicating with me through them (I do believe that God speaks our individual languages).


"My blessings and love are pouring down on you at all times (no matter your status) but you are holding an umbrella every time you feel unworthy. Remove that umbrella. Do not move it... REMOVE it. I am here. I always have been. I want to teach you to receive no matter what the circumstances! When you look back at your life, realize that it was you who was blocking Me and My graces. When did I ever say no to you Joy?"

I constantly shunned Him out!

Ouch! The thing is, that I never thought about it that way! 
I just realized that I have that umbrella open almost all the time... that is except during retreats and peaks of spiritual life (and that doesn't last long- but Oh how refreshing His rain is!). 
Upon pondering that thought, I am noticing how unfortunately I have been leading my life. DROUGHT. As a consequence, I am always looking for love outside of Him and acceptance and that is an extremely tiresome and un-gratifying lifestyle. I have strained my relationship with God with my perfectionism. I feel I have to be at my best to deserve a drop of His love. 

Oh! Isn't His love the loveliest?!

I was always told that nothing stands in the way of God's love except myself and it seems I have allowed every little thing to separate me from the source of Life. 

I am moved by this Love: all I have to do is close that umbrella and feel the rain! No prerequisites, no conditions, no nothing. I am speechless. Speechless. This liberating feeling compares to taking the first breath after having struggled with drowning in the deep waters. He is here, He is always here. 


From now on, whenever I do not see God and His work in my life, whenever I feel alone and do not feel His love surrounding me, I am going to look up and make sure I am not blocking Him in any way. He is here and He wants to love me no matter what. He is here loving me simply for who I am.

To be continued...